BREAKING NEWS! The citizens of Cairo awoke this morning, not to the delicious hum of the air condition on full blare, but the portentous silence of heat and perspiration. The windows were bleeding sweat against an alien invasion of immaculate heat!

The streets of Cairo are more empty than usual, it seems cars are fainting all around us, and people just don’t know what to do. This is a plague on all of our houses, heat, electricity cuts, and an ungodly ownership of body hair to mock this volcanic weather.

Citizens are flailing their arms in the air, and storming social media with earth shattering statements of the weather and how hot it is. As if our senses aren’t enough, we have to justify that it is in fact 40 (or more) degrees Celsius.

In other news, be careful not to take candles out into the direct sunlight, they will melt. If you have a power cut and can’t operate your electric stove, take that saucepan and egg to the pavement, we’re betting it will cook. Tie your hair up, unless you want to ruin your perm by getting it wet with sweat. Don’t overdo the make up, your selfies will melt and look like a cheap impression of Marilyn Manson. 

Consider yourself warned. We urge all citizens to stay in, assume the starfish position (preferably on white tiled floors), and stock up on ice and cold water.